[nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism - The Nature of Independence

Don Mitchell donmi at q.com
Sun Dec 14 01:50:27 UTC 2014


I believe that we, as humans, need to be much more kind and loving to one
another. I have to make assumptions myself when confronted with situations
in life. I think much interesting and instructive information has come from
this post. I made a judgment at the time. Only I heard the tone of the
woman's voice. Only I knew that I have crossed this street daily for the
last 30 years. I have been the recipient of appropriate help many times when
crossing this street. I have received some offers that were not appropriate.
In the last 15 years, since I have been in the NFB, I have been polite to
these people. I am convinced this woman did more than was needed. When we
help people we do what is needed with kindness, respect, and with the
dignity of the other person in consideration. I doubt if this woman knew she
was doing more than was needed and I think that is also what I am trying to
get across. The general population, often, yes often offer help to a blind
person more than is needed. This is the attitude I am talking about. Too
much help stifles independence and self-confidents. Help given in kindness
or in respect for another friend is always appropriate. Casual contacts are
hard to analyze because we can't know the level of understanding and the
kind of thoughts going on in heads on both sides of the interaction. In this
case there is still information you don't know. If I told you that there is
an unregulated intersection just to the immediate north of where I was
standing. If the woman had honked her horn to let me know she was waiting
for me I would have considered that appropriate. The fact that she went
through the intersection before stopping on the other side seemed to
indicate to me that she had undue concern. I have had 100's of people honk
to let me know they were waiting. To have someone stop to deliver the
information is a little over the top. You could argue that this woman just
wanted to make human contact when giving help. Perhaps she is an
extraordinarily kind person. Kindness and custodialism can sometimes seem
like twins but they are distinguishable. Someone earlier today told the
story about falling in the snow and being in the street with cars traveling
around her. In this case I can't believe no one was willing to stop and
help. Making judgments is sometimes difficult. If we believe too much help
is no longer an issue in our society analyze the common interactions in the
airport when a wheel chair is brought for you the blind traveler. Have you,
like me, almost had to fight physically to refuse the chair. Is this
kindness, ignorance, stereotypical treatment of handicapped persons, or
what. 

Don Mitchell

-----Original Message-----
From: Debby Phillips [mailto:semisweetdebby at gmail.com] 
Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2014 11:24 AM
To: Don Mitchell; NFB of Washington Talk Mailing List;
mario.eiland at hotmail.com; portillo.jim at gmail.com; k7uij at panix.com
Subject: Re: [nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism - The Nature of Independence

Hi Don, but this is to me the same courtesy that a sighted person offers
another driver when they let that person merge on to a street by slowing
down so that the other person can merge.  This is the same courtesy that
another driver might extend if they see that someone has something hanging
out of their car and they flash their lights or give some indication to the
other driver that there's something amiss.  Or when a driver stops and
indicates that they are waiting to let another person drive their car into a
parking place before they back out on to the road.  I just think that too
often we jump to the conclusion that people are treating us differently than
they do sighted folks, and since most of my time is spent hanging out with
sighted folks, I see them offer each other these little courtesies.  So it's
the same when someone tells me something like, after I go, it's clear.  I
still need to use my own judgment, but I'm grateful for the information.  I
know what kind of guy you are.  You are kind and gentle.  But it's just that
I wonder why we, not just you, but we as blind people, always have to get so
defensive and uptight when 
sighted people act in a courteous manner.     Peace,    DEBBY


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