[nfbwatlk] Seeing the World through a Survivor's Lens, Disability Blog, September 2 2014

[Nightingale, Noel]

Link:
http://usodep.blogs.govdelivery.com/2014/09/02/seeing-the-world-through-a-survivors-lens/

Text:
September 2, 2014
Seeing the World through a Survivor's Lens
By Guest Blogger Zaakirah Muhammad, Photographer

I was born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on December 20th, almost four weeks prematurely. At nine-months-old, I was diagnosed with retinoblastoma; a rare children's eye cancer where a tumor develops in the retina. Shortly after, my right eye was surgically removed. Since then I have worn a prosthetic eye. As a result of radiation, I experienced hearing loss, which is still declining to this day, so I also wear hearing aids in both ears.

For the longest time, I limited myself. I never put much emphasis on the word "survivor," nor truly understood it. It took a really long time to connect the dots-that survivor is actually a positive thing. I made it through something really difficult. Most children with retinoblastoma rarely lived to be a year old. Any light that shone was upon the negatives-my vision and hearing disabilities, which could lead to other disabilities and eventually death. It took time for me to realize that there is so much more to life than focusing on just that side of things.

I was always a quiet child and an introvert, but I have a voice that I have found and used through my photography. At six-years-old, I was given my first camera-a Kodak Polaroid. From there on, nothing could stop me from photographing everyone, everything and every place I went. With a camera, I could allow those in my life and around the world to see life and humanity as I do through my monocular vision.

As a youth, I started with travel and landscape photography, then capturing candid moments of close friends and family. By middle school, I considered going to school for psychology, social work or something similar because of my ability to be a good listener and a good friend to those in need. And I enjoyed helping.

By the time I attended my second technical high school, I chose to study in the Commercial Photography program. There, I was introduced to a whole new world of photography and digital cameras. I always had connected well with people and found such joy in photographing that I knew it was meant to be.

My mother has celebrated my birthday every year, even when there were years I did not want to. It was a reminder that I was special, that I had greater purpose, that I made it another year and that my life has value. It wasn't until I chose to tell people that I am a cancer survivor that I started hearing and believing those loving phrases like "You are so inspiring," "You are a miracle" and "You are amazing." Then it clicked: My purpose in life is to inspire!

My parents have always made sure I believed that there was a bigger world out there than the one we lived in. I saw it for myself in high school when I received my first opportunity to travel out of the country. Before, I was close-minded about traveling due to fear and thoughts of not being safe. The first country I visited was Costa Rica, with a group for deaf, hard of hearing and sign language enthusiasts. That was such a great experience! I felt so comfortable being able to walk around without hearing aids because I could use sign language or lip reading to communicate and still be myself while giving back in small ways. It opened up doors for me.

Shortly after that I was accepted as a student ambassador to travel on a two-week European tour through the United Kingdom, France and Italy. However, the most life-changing travel experience was the summer after high school, when I was accepted to travel to Ghana for two months on a volunteer service trip with Operation Crossroads Africa.

With every trip, there were plenty of difficulties with hearing; adjusting to different climates which affects the hearing aids and batteries, being in various circumstances where I moved around so much that my hearing aids were misplaced, feeling left out, scared and uncertain when struggling to hear in loud environments. However, each situation only made me more confident, stronger and more responsible with communicating my concerns to people.

The same thing goes for overcoming vision difficulties. As a child, there were times when I was still adjusting to wearing the prosthesis. When it bothered me too much, I would just take it out and hand it over to my caregiver. Whenever I received a size adjustment, my prosthetic eye was always visibly bigger than the other for a couple of days which made me feel self-conscious.

The older I get the more I realize it's about knowing your capabilities. There are times where I have been denied, doubted and bullied, called names such as Lazy Eyed, Cross Eyed and Four Eyes. I made it past that by knowing my purpose, my role, what I'm good at, what makes me special and what makes me happy. That's what matters the most; making that conscious decision to be healthy and happy, while educating people along the way. You can't take life too seriously. Life is too short for that. With all the challenges I've been through and overcome, I am forever grateful to be a survivor.

Zaakirah Nayyar Muhammad is a professional portrait photographer and videographer based in the Atlanta area. She has been photographing since the age of six. Her style captures the essence of the person while connecting with emotions and showcasing their inner beauty. Her work has been published in two digital magazines, and has been featured in three gallery exhibits. She is an active volunteer with Help-Portrait, Kiwanis International and other various non-profit organizations. She is also an avid traveler, having traveled to eight countries in five years. Her goal is to continue to inspire people with her story and her work, while connecting with as many people as possible all around the world, being a visual storyteller and a shining light to others.