[nfb-talk] Teach your leaders, teach your children!

[T. Joseph Carter]

Eric, if I listened to the people around me, today I would live a very
different life.  I would probably be living in a group home.  Certainly I
would not be a graduate student today.  I would probably work a low-level
state job that someone helped me find, a job I wouldn't have if not for
affirmative action.

Probably my meals, cleaning, laundry, and other basic common needs would
not be my own responsibility.  I would be living on an allowance from my
paycheck, some of what remains after the bills are paid for me.

That is what happened to most of my classmates, others who were blind and
who did as they were told.  They listened to the people around them who
told them what they could do and what wouldn't be possible for them.

It was the NFB who told me that a better future existed for me, if I
wanted it.  Nobody made the claim it would be easy.  The fact is, they
told me it was going to be very hard.  I would have to do a lot of things
I didn't want to do.  The Federation has offered its assistance, and that
sometimes looks like others telling me what they think I should do.  They
have really offered me another choice.

I don't want to see the Federation stop doing that.  The coddling isn't
being done by us--we are the ones offering people an alternative.  And we
seem to be the only ones doing that.


As for giving people what they want, how can you know what you want if
nobody offers you the choice?  I am reminded of one young man who attended
the Colorado Center for the Blind while I was there.  He was 18 years old
and he had never gone anywhere or done anything by himself.  He didn't
even know how to cook a frozen entrée in a microwave for lunch by himself!

If you know anything about our training centers at all, you know that's
not going to last.  He's going to learn to do these things because he must
learn to do them.  Progress was slow because he didn't actually want to do
these things himself at first, but once he began to see what he could do
himself, he began to open up a bit.  He started to interact socially with
the rest of us, too.

Three months into his program, his mother came to visit the center.  I
don't remember much about it other than her asking in a very aggressive
tone, "Who is taking my son home this evening?"  My temptation was to
answer, "A city bus driver, presumably.  Same as the rest of us!"

He went home for the Christmas break, and did not return in January.  I
asked what had happened to him and was told that everyone had decided that
it was best that he not return during the snowy season.  I could not help
but remark, "You mean his mother decided that her adult son wasn't going
to have to learn to travel through the snow."  The answer I got was a very
diplomatic non-confirmation that my assessment of the situation was
correct.

I don't know if the guy ever did come back to the center, but I do know
that if he did, every accomplishment of those three months would have been
unmade.  Probably, he would tell you that things are as he wants them to
be.  He never had the chance to make an informed decision as to what he
wanted, though.  The choice was made by his mother.  She then sabotaged
his chance to learn about the alternatives.

I'm sure his mother loves him very much.  But the thing she doesn't seem
to grasp is that he's an adult right now, and that makes her old enough to
be a grandparent.  The harsh, unforgiving fact is that one of these days
she's not going to be there anymore.  What's going to happen to him then?
I don't believe she has found the time to think about that too much.

Hindsight being always 20/20, even when you're blind, I think we could
have done more to make her aware of the progress her son had made.  If she
saw what he had learned to do himself, maybe she would have had more faith
that yes, even her son could do these things.

I tell a story now and then about my experience with another mother
learning for herself what her son was capable of.  Perhaps we need to pay
more attention to the family context as we continue to evolve and improve
the things we teach at our centers.  That's another discussion--though it
is one that perhaps we should have soon.


I think I have made my position on the feud with the ACB quite clear.  I
think it is dangerous to our future and unnecessary.  However, I do not
believe that means we all gather 'round and sing campfire songs.  We do
have an obligation to stand for our principles as responsible citizens of
the blindness community.  That means defending our ideas on their merit
rather than attacking those who disagree with us.

On Fri, Nov 30, 2007 at 04:59:45PM -0800, eric calhoun wrote:
> Hello, folks!
> 
> Here it is, about December 1, and I first want to say
> that I really have enjoyed this discussion of ACB
> versus NFB.  I'd like to make a few points.
> 
> 1.  NFB-ers must stop "coddling" people, and telling
> people the right way to go.  We all know that the
> right way to go is by listening and associating. 
> Having an NFB cane is very useful, but does not
> substitute the use of the long, white cane, especially
> in NFB-approved training centers.
> 
> 2.  We've got to start associating more, and
> bad-mouthing less.  Part of the reason NFB has
> blossomed into "the engine" that could, is because of
> leaders like Ten-Broek, Jernigan, and Dr. Maurer.
> 
> Finally,
> 
> We've got to give the younger people what they want: a
> chance for everyone to come to an organization where
> they are supported, not told how to live their lives.
> 
> Eric Calhoun