[nabs-l] Dating and relationships

Corbb O'Connor corbbo at gmail.com
Sun Dec 13 17:28:55 UTC 2009 

Albert,

Keep in mind that this conference call is being held on a Sunday, when  
most people have unlimited cell phone minutes. It's unfortunate if you  
don't have that, but I do believe this sort of topic does better on  
the phone than an online chat. I don't want to spur a "how should  
conference calls be run" thread, but just my thoughts.

An 800-number would be even more expensive for the student division,  
too.

Corbb

On Dec 13, 2009, at 10:50 AM, Albert Yoo wrote:


Antonio, I suggest an online chat. Thanks for passing my suggession  
along to the committee. It would not create a high phone bill for  
people to have an online chat rather than a phone call for two hours.  
Albert

> From: iamantonio at cox.net
> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date: Sun, 13 Dec 2009 03:30:04 -0500
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>
> Hello Joe and others,
>
> I appreciate the message with suggestions about the conference call  
> topic,
> and its relevance to blind students. I am a member of the membership
> committee, and a guest speaker on the call, so you may take my  
> comments
> witha grain of salt.
>
> 1. The subject of dating is a universal matter, regardless of  
> whether one is
> blind or sighted. The NFB believes blind people to be not much  
> different
> from the sighted public. While NABS is a blind student organization,  
> and
> should focus on blind student topics, we recognize that students  
> around the
> age of most of our members may face some insecurities around dating,  
> and
> relationships. Some insecurities may have to do with blindness, such  
> as
> table etiquette, as you mentioned. How do you read body language,  
> and figure
> out if a girl is looking at you in a flirtatious way, and what is
> appropriate dating behavior?
>
> If one is not experienced by way of social grace, connection, and  
> previous
> relationships, she or he may be uncomfortable. I certainly was, and
> blindness came into view for me. Do sighted women want to date me, a  
> blind
> guy who can't give her the football boyfriend status, or the my  
> boyfriend
> drives a nice car status. There are things a blind boyfriend can't  
> offer in
> the way of such superficial things.
>
> Besides, I belong to a class of people, blind people, who claim a 70  
> percent
> unemployment rate. How can I then, afford to be taking the object of  
> my
> attraction on dates, or even take cabs to see her?
>
> Who wants to date a mate who is only 30 percent likely to get a job?
>
> The answers are found deep within why we are part of the NFB, and of  
> NABS.
> We change the realities for us by furthering our education, and  
> pursuing our
> dreams.
>
> 2. The membership committee has held conference calls in previous  
> years, and
> one this year, and attendance was slim. Why, I ask? Why does our  
> membership
> not show up to the calls? A few might criticize the way this is  
> done, or how
> that is accomplished, but I thought our previous call was  
> interesting and
> informative, and less people than have taken part in this thread  
> showed up.
>
> I think that rotating from serious topics, to lighted ones will  
> bring is
> some needed variety to what we do. We can't be all work and no play.  
> I hope
> that people show up to this call, and future ones, and give input, and
> constructive criticism. I also hope that the topic interests people,  
> and
> brings more people in to participating in the calls.
>
> 3. If a topic is good enough for a NABS, blind student division,  
> seminar,
> why wouldn't it be relevant to other NABS activities, like a  
> conference
> call?
>
> Antonio Guimaraes
>
> If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of  
> pickup
> trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite  
> number of
> highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great  
> literary
> works in Braille.
>
> Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
> http://www.givebackamerica.com/charity.php?b=169
> Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com>
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 12:04 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>
>
>> Hello,
>>
>> I guess I'm the skunk at the picnic. Definitions of what constitutes
>> healthy relationships is a boundless question and one that has  
>> universal
>> appeal to both blind and sighted people alike. Twelve hour's worth of
>> discussion would not get a group of people to agree on a good  
>> definition,
>> because each person's perspectives are so different.
>>
>> Overall, I'm missing the point of how dating and relationships has  
>> a very
>> significant influence on the work of a student division. Is it a good
>> social talk? Most definitely. Will it get us any closer to making  
>> NABS
>> compete for influence over students who need to learn about  
>> independence?
>> I
>> don't think so, but I am not a complete rainmaker. I think it comes  
>> down
>> to
>> strategy, and in the hot subject of romance I think the better  
>> venue would
>> be a breakout session at one of the division's two annual gatherings.
>>
>> Now, I do not like criticisms without constructive feedback, so  
>> here are
>> the
>> questions I would use to structure the conversation in a way that  
>> may help
>> participants come away with more than just ten tips on how to  
>> seduce and
>> conquer.
>>
>> 1. What are some good websites that give detailed descriptions of  
>> current
>> fashions and general clothing lines?
>>
>> 2. Who should you take to the store to help you select items of  
>> clothing,
>> and what are some good expectations to set for them so that they do  
>> not
>> dress you according to their personal views?
>>
>> 3. How do ladies go about the task of applying makeup? Are there  
>> stores
>> that feature representatives who can take the time to do this?
>>
>> 4. Where can guys learn about professional dress, ironing, facial  
>> hair
>> maintenance, etc.
>>
>> 5. Where can both guys and girls learn about table etiquette?
>>
>> 6. How do you pull off using taxis? How do you decide on this versus
>> public
>> transportation? If you're walking, how do you survey the terrain?  
>> Do you
>> take the guide dog, or do you bust out the cane?
>>
>> 7. If the other person is sighted, how do you diplomatically set
>> expectations of walking hand-in-hand versus overkill on the sighted  
>> guide?
>>
>> 8. How far in advance should you plan your trip so that you are  
>> doing as
>> much of it independently and minimize the need for questions once  
>> you are
>> there?
>>
>> There are dozens of others, but I think you will find these  
>> questions will
>> generally help you in daily life, not just dates, which I think  
>> would be a
>> better return on your investment of time. My senior year in high  
>> school I
>> actually went to the hotel where our prom would be held two weeks in
>> advance
>> so that I could get a sense of the layout, learn bathroom  
>> locations, that
>> sort of thing. My friend and I, who would end up double dating with  
>> two
>> ladies, picked a restaurant, mapped the location of where it was in
>> relation
>> to the hotel, identified a few options for ourselves after the  
>> dance, and
>> while this may all seem like too much strategy, I can assure you  
>> that on
>> the
>> night of said prom, I was more focused on my date than I was on  
>> where the
>> heck we might or might not end up. Some people might find  
>> excitement from
>> being adventurous. There is a way to accomplish this, but this has  
>> to do
>> with your confidence as a traveler. If you do not feel comfortable
>> deviating from your plans to go to Restaurant X instead of  
>> Restaurant Y,
>> you
>> have bigger issues far removed from deciding whether or not you're  
>> going
>> to
>> ask the girl out.
>>
>> At any rate, personal views of strategy notwithstanding, the  
>> conversation
>> should prove interesting, I am sure, and I commend the Membership  
>> guys for
>> holding these calls.
>>
>> Joe Orozco
>>
>> "A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the
>> crowd."--Max Lucado
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org
>> [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Darian Smith
>> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 9:13 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>>
>> Melissa, you bring up a good point that I'm not sure you are even
>> aware you did.
>> The matter of what is a healthy relationship and what isn't.
>> I honestly like the fact this topic was brought up and hope
>> that more contributions are added to this string and that you
>> all are able to attend the call and share your views on this
>> stuff! I love it.
>> Thanks Antonio!
>> Darian
>>
>> On 12/11/09, Melissa Green <graduate56 at juno.com> wrote:
>>> Hey what about this question.
>>> what is the definition of dating?, a relationship? and what is the
>>> diference?
>>> I think that dating and or a relationship get confused.
>>> If someone asks you to give up your friends, or your family.
>>> That is not a good sign.
>>> That is unhealthy.
>>>
>>> Sincerely,
>>> Melissa Green
>>> Without Christ I am nothing, Without me Christ is still God. It's
>>> because of Christ I am able to stand!!!
>>> Live journal topaz5674
>>> Blog: http://readergirl5674.blogspot.com
>>> Facebook: melissa green northern colorado
>>> twitter: melissa5674
>>> msn: graduate1531 at msn.com
>>> Skype: lissa5674
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Antonio M. Guimaraes" <iamantonio at cox.net>
>>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 7:00 AM
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>>>
>>>
>>>> Hello all,
>>>>
>>>> In light of the upcoming call this Sunday on dating and
>>>> relationships, I wanted to get some of you thinking about
>> the subject.
>>>>
>>>> I am one of the guest speakers on the call, and would love to hear
>>>> your thoughts and views on relationships.
>>>>
>>>> Why do people date? Do you do it so as not to be alone, or to have
>>>> company? what's the difference.
>>>>
>>>> Who pays? The male or female?
>>>>
>>>> What interesting things do you do together as a couple? What about
>>>> room for your "other" friends?
>>>>
>>>> Shoot your messages this way, and I will try and tell you as much  
>>>> as
>>>> I can about me, or as much as my girlfriend will let me, grin.
>>>>
>>>> Antonio Guimaraes
>>>>
>>>> If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
>>>> pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
>>>> infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all
>>>> the world's great literary works in Braille.
>>>>
>>>> Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
>>>> http://www.givebackamerica.com/charity.php?b=169
>>>> Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
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>>>> for
>>>> nabs-l:
>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/graduate56%40
>>>> juno.com
>>>>
>>>
>>> ____________________________________________________________
>>> Hotel
>>> Hotel pics, info and virtual tours. Click here to book a
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>>
>>
>> --
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>> and we need your
>> help! To Get Involved go to:
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