[Blindtlk] My Friend

Mon Feb 4 13:09:45 CST 2008

Hi Dewey and All,

I think what we all need to remember is that we are all at different
levels for various reason. 

I don't think you were wrong at all for indicating to the waiter that
you wanted to cut your own meat, and, unfortunately, given the fact that
the sighted typically want to lump us all into one category as far as
our abilities and comfort levels, had you not made it clear that you
wanted to cut your own meat, they probably would have assumed that you
needed/wanted the same treatment as your friend. they more than likely
wouldn't have even asked you.

I do not think your "friend" was in the right to go off on you like that
at all, and I think he was probably reacting to his own insecurities as
someone else has said.

I do think it is important for us to have respect for one another
however, and to remember that we are all at different levels. there are
times when I catch myself becoming irritated with another blind person
because they allow others to believe, and act as if they are more
disabled than they truly are.

On the other hand, I have blind piers who have abilities that, though I
admire them greatly I never developed. They can run circles around me in
some of the things that they can do as competently as a sighted person.

One of the areas that comes to mind is mobility. When I am going some
place for the first time, I need to have very specific directions, and
if the destination is too far off the beaten path of the bus route, I
probably will not attempt it by bus, at least not alone.

However, I have blind friends, who can take very minimal directions and
run with them, can get anywhere they want to go independently and not
think much about it at all. I admire them greatly, but I am definitely
not that secure or confident in my personal ability to do the same. 

I've never mowed my own lawn, but I am well aware that there are blind
people who do. 

We've all heard it said that you can lead a horse to water but you can't
make them drink. There's nothing wrong with you trying to make
suggestions or offering to teach someone how to do something if they
want to learn. If they don't however, you have to respect them enough to
accept them for who they are.

At the same time, he needs to accept you for who you are, and has no
right to criticize you for being just as independent as you can and want
to be.

Just my 2 cents. Diane Graves

Civil Rights Specialist

Indiana Civil Rights Commission

Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit

317-232-2647

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."--Winston
Churchill

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-----Original Message-----

From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
<mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> ] On Behalf Of dewey bradley

Sent: Saturday, February 02, 2008 8:16 PM

To: blind talk

Subject: [Blindtlk] my friend

I wanted to ask other blind people what you think about this,

I was telling you folks about a month ago, about a friend that got
called 

for jury duty, and has called twice and told them that he's blind and 

therefore can not serve.

Well yesterday, he and I along with another blind person were going to
eat 

at a stake house, Well I guess they did, I left.

We all ordered T bone stakes, this guy who has a degree, works for the 

state, owns a house, and everything.

he's a really good cook, he does all the house work, cooking and
cleaning, 

the whole works.

he ordered the stake, and asked them to cut It up for him.

when I ordered mine, I told them that I would like to cut my own state,
he 

went off on me.

saying that I'm very independent, witch I am, but he was talking about
how I 

ordered the mashed potatoes.

he started going off about I was talking about him asking for his meet
to be 

cut, but I can't mash my own potatoes.

Well he made me mad, that's when I said that It's people like you that 

confirm all the stereo types about blind people being stupid, he then
was 

talking about the fact that I know that he can cut meet.

I got up and walked out, because this is the kind of person who wont
hear 

anyone else, he will cut you off when you're talking.

So I'm asking what would you folks have done?

Does anything work with people like that? Should I have asked for the
same 

thing, just to avoid an argument?

What do you think?

If you want to email me off list, my address is

dewey.bradley at att.net

_______________________________________________

blindtlk mailing list

blindtlk at nfbnet.org

http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk
<http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk> 

Diane Graves
Civil Rights Specialist
Indiana Civil Rights Commission
Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
317-232-2647

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."--Winston
Churchill

Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain
confidential and/or legally privileged information intended only for the
individual or entity(ies)
named in the E-mail address. If you are not the intended recipient, be
advised that any unauthorized disclosure, copying, distribution, or
acting in reliance
upon the contents of this E-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have
received this E-mail transmission in error, please reply to sender to
arrange for the return and proper delivery of the transmission.
Subsequently, delete the message from your system immediately.

-------------- next part --------------
Hi Dewey and All,
I think what we all need to remember is that we are all at different levels for various reason.
I don't think you were wrong at all for indicating to the waiter that you wanted to cut your own meat, and, unfortunately, given the fact that the sighted typically want to lump us all into one category as far as our abilities and comfort levels, had you not made it clear that you wanted to cut your own meat, they probably would have assumed that you needed/wanted the same treatment as your friend. they more than likely wouldn't have even asked you.
I do not think your "friend" was in the right to go off on you like that at all, and I think he was probably reacting to his own insecurities as someone else has said.
I do think it is important for us to have respect for one another however, and to remember that we are all at different levels. there are times when I catch myself becoming irritated with another blind person because they allow others to believe, and act as if they are more disabled than they truly are.
On the other hand, I have blind piers who have abilities that, though I admire them greatly I never developed. They can run circles around me in some of the things that they can do as competently as a sighted person.
One of the areas that comes to mind is mobility. When I am going some place for the first time, I need to have very specific directions, and if the destination is too far off the beaten path of the bus route, I probably will not attempt it by bus, at least not alone.
However, I have blind friends, who can take very minimal directions and run with them, can get anywhere they want to go independently and not think much about it at all. I admire them greatly, but I am definitely not that secure or confident in my personal ability to do the same.
I've never mowed my own lawn, but I am well aware that there are blind people who do.
We've all heard it said that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. There's nothing wrong with you trying to make suggestions or offering to teach someone how to do something if they want to learn. If they don't however, you have to respect them enough to accept them for who they are.
At the same time, he needs to accept you for who you are, and has no right to criticize you for being just as independent as you can and want to be.
Just my 2 cents. Diane Graves
Civil Rights Specialist
Indiana Civil Rights Commission
Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
317-232-2647
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."--Winston Churchill
Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information intended only for the individual or entity(ies)
named in the E-mail address. If you are not the intended recipient, be advised that any unauthorized disclosure, copying, distribution, or acting in reliance
upon the contents of this E-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this E-mail transmission in error, please reply to sender to arrange for the return and proper delivery of the transmission. Subsequently, delete the message from your system immediately.
-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [
mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
] On Behalf Of dewey bradley
Sent: Saturday, February 02, 2008 8:16 PM
To: blind talk
Subject: [Blindtlk] my friend
I wanted to ask other blind people what you think about this,
I was telling you folks about a month ago, about a friend that got called
for jury duty, and has called twice and told them that he's blind and
therefore can not serve.
Well yesterday, he and I along with another blind person were going to eat
at a stake house, Well I guess they did, I left.
We all ordered T bone stakes, this guy who has a degree, works for the
state, owns a house, and everything.
he's a really good cook, he does all the house work, cooking and cleaning,
the whole works.
he ordered the stake, and asked them to cut It up for him.
when I ordered mine, I told them that I would like to cut my own state, he
went off on me.
saying that I'm very independent, witch I am, but he was talking about how I
ordered the mashed potatoes.
he started going off about I was talking about him asking for his meet to be
cut, but I can't mash my own potatoes.
Well he made me mad, that's when I said that It's people like you that
confirm all the stereo types about blind people being stupid, he then was
talking about the fact that I know that he can cut meet.
I got up and walked out, because this is the kind of person who wont hear
anyone else, he will cut you off when you're talking.
So I'm asking what would you folks have done?
Does anything work with people like that? Should I have asked for the same
thing, just to avoid an argument?
What do you think?
If you want to email me off list, my address is
dewey.bradley at att.net
_______________________________________________
blindtlk mailing list
blindtlk at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk

Diane Graves
Civil Rights Specialist
Indiana Civil Rights Commission
Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
317-232-2647

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."--Winston Churchill

Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information intended only for the individual or entity(ies)
named in the E-mail address. If you are not the intended recipient, be advised that any unauthorized disclosure, copying, distribution, or acting in reliance
upon the contents of this E-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this E-mail transmission in error, please reply to sender to arrange for the return and proper delivery of the transmission. Subsequently, delete the message from your system immediately.