[Blindtlk] traveling

Mon Sep 18 17:33:15 CDT 2006

Hello Mike, Ray and everyone,

    Firstly while I know Jen won't pack up and go off to an NFB center
tomorrow and wants to avoid a shoot-out with her parents I was thinking that
attending the center is something she can do down the road. So Jenn you're a
Rhode Islander?As it happens I'm originally from Massachusetts and am well
aware of the situation for the blind in New England having lived their
myself.   While I can't say that the rest of the country is a bed of roses
where attitudes towards blindness and services for the blind are concerned
my own experience helped me realize just how oppressive many of the agencies
for the blind in New England can be. I've told people time and time again
that had I stayed there it's very doubtful that I would be doing half of the
things I do now for the federation, and other activities. The thought of
remaining in Boston frightens me to this day looking back on the things that
happened to me during my younger years in that part of the country. Sadly it
rubs off on folks such as parents in the way they treat their blind
children. The situation was so bad that like you I realized that the only
way I could escape that prison was to move from that part of the country and
that's what we did in 1980 and 1981. My mom and sister moved to the Austin
area in 1980 and I joined them in 1981. The story of how I got out of
Massachusetts is quite dramatic and still brings tears to my eyes when I
tell it. I left there on September 4,1981 and never set foot in New England
again. That ought to tell you something of how I was treated by several
agencies for the blind and family members when I lived in the Boston Area.
So if someone like myself comes across kind of gruffly if you were in places
where blind children were abused regularly, and witnessed parents of your
blind friends treating them the same way you're experiencing you can't help
but express it in those terms. We saw our share of abuse, and negative
attitudes among these individuals and agencies for the blind in New England
when we lived there. Mary and I will keep you in our prayers, and hope that
members of our Rhode Island Affiliate can assist you in dealing with your
parents, and making a new life for yourself there, or wherever you may
decide to live in the future.

Peter Donahue

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ray Foret Jr." <rforetjr at bellsouth.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 4:13 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] traveling

I'd like to say that, upon reflection, I agree with you Mike.   I suppose
it's better to hope that your solution will work.  Now, for you Jen.  Here's
some food for thought.  I found that the best way to convince my parents to
let me be when I got my own place was to do stuff.  Sure, I could have
argued with them; but, take it from me.  You will never win an argument with
your parents; and I do mean never.  I could have talked and talked till my
tongue was dragging on the floor and it would have not done any good.  I
found this was especially true just after I graduated from the Louisiana
Center For The Blind.  What I also found was this.  What I did made tons
more difference than all the words I said.  Do my parents worry about me
still,?  Why, of course they do; but, do I let that stop me?  No.  Do my
parents try to stop me?  No.  They know me well enough that they know I'm
going to do what I'm going to do and that's that; despite what they may feel
or think about it.  Does that mean I don't love my parents or that they
don't love me?  Of course not.  I found that, if I wanted to convince my
parents of anything, I'd better be prepared to prove my case by physically
doing what I claimed to be able to do; otherwisee, just forget it.  Once my
parents were convinced I could function on my own, however, they backed me
up %100 (one hundred percent).  I'm a Foret, after all; and, we Forets tend
to be hard headed.  So, I'd say go with Mike's suggestion first.  Try to
reason with them via another friend in the Federation.  If reason fails and
actions are hard to initiate, I think I can speak for us all when I say
we'll be here to try what we can to help further.  We're a family, after
all.

Sincerely yours,
The Constantly Barefooted,
Ray
Home phone and fax:
(985)853-0139
E-mail:
rforetjr at bellsouth.net
Skype Name:
barefootedray
Blog:
www.raysworld.blogs.com
Podcast .rss Feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/worldofray

God bless President George W. Bush!
God bless our troops!
and God bless America
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 3:30 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] traveling

IMO while everything that has been said here is valid, I believe that we
must be a bit cautious. We may not know the whole story here. Rather
than immediately pushing for Jen to go to one of our centers or having a
knock-down-drag-out with her parents, it seems to me far more preferable
to put her in touch with local NFB members in her area who will be in a
better position to judge what needs to be done and who can encourage her
and also show her parents by example that blind folks can be
independent.

For instance, Jen says she is a client of a DD agency. Why? Is she a c
client of the New York Commission for the Blind? If not, why not?

Mike Freeman, President
  NFB of Washington

On Mon, 18 Sep 2006, Alan Wheeler wrote:

> I hate to say it, but Peter has a valid point.  What he describes is a
> frighteningly real possibility.
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Peter Donahue" <pdonahue1 at sbcglobal.net>
> To: "Bonnie Ainsworth" <cedarwoman1965 at neb.rr.com>; "NFBnet Blind Talk
> Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 2:07 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] traveling
>
>
>> Hello Jenn, Bonnie and listers,
>>
>>    There's possibly a more sinister reason for her parents wanting to
>> keep
>> her under their thumb besides her blindness. If Jen's parents receive
>> Social
>> Security benefits for providing her a place to live they know that if she
>> moves out they'll lose that income. All I have to say about that blarney
>> is
>> tough! It's unfair, and is an illegal form of exploitation of the worst
>> kind!When my dad retired I became eligible for SSDI Benefits. In addition
>> mom and dad also received a monthly check when I lived at home.
>> Fortunately
>> mom realized that while the income helped out with expenses it wasn't in
>> her
>> best interest to control my life by keeping  me at home and under her
>> thumb
>> and strongly encouraged me to move out in to a place of my own and gladly
>> excepted the consequences of doing so I.E. the loss of those Dependent's
>> Benefits. By the time I finally moved out for good dad had passed away so
>> he
>> was not able to stop her from doing this. I know other blind individuals
>> who
>> were manipulated and controlled by their parents the same way and suspect
>> that the loss of Social Security Dependents Benefits in addition to their
>> fears about blindness being a motivating factor for their behavior.
>>
>>    Jenn I don't know all the particulars of your situation, but wanted to
>> throw that out as another possible reason for your parent's treating you
>> that way. But if you're of age you have every right to up and leave
>> whenever
>> you want, and no one can stop you from going. Sometimes situations like
>> this
>> can only be remedied with a little tough love. Mary and I have had to
>> deal
>> with similar treatment of us particularly by her parents, but they know
>> we
>> don't hesitate to call them out whenever we feel they've over-stepped
>> their
>> bounds and have meddled in matters which are really none of their
>> business.
>> Know also that you have a federation family that stands ready to help you
>> in
>> whatever way we can to ensure that your future will be filled with
>> promise,
>> and free of your parents over-protection, and control of your life for
>> their
>> benefit. Yours in federationism.
>>
>> Peter Donahue
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Bonnie Ainsworth" <cedarwoman1965 at neb.rr.com>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 1:12 PM
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] traveling
>>
>>
>> Jen,
>>
>> How old are you?  Once you're over eighteen, you're legally an adult and
>> they can't try to stop you from living your life.  Sounds like they're
>> afraid to let you out of the house because of your blindness?
>>
>> Bonnie Ainsworth
>> Lincoln, NE USA
>>
>> Access denied ... nah nah na nah nah !
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: <jaber37837 at cox.net>
>> To: <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>; <community at nfbri.com>
>> Sent: Monday, September 18, 2006 12:52 PM
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] traveling
>>
>>
>> Hi
>>
>> I have a question or perhaps many questions...maybe even issues.
>>
>> Here's the situation:
>>
>> I would like to take a trip to New York; around the Syracuse area. I
>> could
>> sneak out of the house, take the Ride bus to the airport and fly there,
>> but
>> then I would get my parents all upset, and they would never trust me
>> again.
>> Plus, once I got there I could take a cab to the hotel, but then what?
>> The
>> only way I can go anywhere is if I go with a friend...I mean that's the
>> only
>> way I could go without causing an up-roar, but I don't have any friends
>> who
>> I can travel with, and even if I did, that's a really lousy reason to
>> invite
>> them to come along.
>>
>> Is there any way I can get out of my parents' control over me? Is there
>> any
>> way to do it legally without causing hurt feelings etc? I can't talk to
>> them. They don't want to hear it. I've tried.
>>
>> I just feel like I have to do something different, and I can't do
>> anything;
>> not as long as I'm here.
>>
>> Jen
>>
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>>
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>
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