[Blind-rollers] Total independence

Thu Aug 30 16:13:33 CDT 2007

Well now,
If I had to depend on my family I would croke.
That just isn't going to happen.
Now if I had lots of money I would be the best sister they was smile.
They have to many problems of their own to worry about me.
So we strive with getting a reader to help with mail, and the rest we do 
with cabs if necessary.
>From time to time we can get a church friend to help us out.

--Dar
www.mypowermall.com/biz/home/5779
Every Saint has a past
Every Sinner has a future

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Laura Eaves" <leaves1 at carolina.rr.com>
To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:51 PM
Subject: Re: [Blind-rollers] Total independence


> Hi Jen --
> Yes, it is a good idea to choose your location carefully.  This has always
> bothered me as I have the fear that whatever I choose may be unacceptable
> for some reason and I might get stuck there, unable to move again if I 
> need
> to.  I mean, my family has helped us considerably in our moving ventures,
> but that can come to an end as you can't always throw responsibilities on
> loved ones, even if they are willing to help.
> We are in the midst of a move now which worries me a great deal.
> Saying lots of prayers for the things I can't foresee and for wisdom to do
> the best thing.
> I have a relative we live close to now who has been very helpful in many
> instances (and yes, Mom and I need it sometimes), but she is also 
> extremely
> apprehensive that we will expect too much -- she has to volunteer when she
> sees a need but when I call, she is very apprehensive and often refuses to
> help, even in an minor emergency.
> But I try to compensate by doing something useful for her or build her up.
> It concerns me that if we fell into great need here we might not have
> backup -- so we are moving to a different location which has good public
> services and where more of our relatives live.
> Anyway, gotta go now.  I look forward to other discussion.
> Everyone's situation and abilities are different.  That's the challenge of 
> a
> list like this--to help a wide cross section of people.
> --le
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Jennifer Aberdeen" <freespirit328 at gmail.com>
> To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:52 AM
> Subject: Re: [Blind-rollers] Total independence
>
>
> Hi Laura,
>
> Well, I can definitely relate to the cooking thing. My parents and
> Grandmother don't think I will be able to cook. Even when I had some 
> vision
> in one eye they wouldn't allow me to cook even though I had taken a 
> cooking
> class in high school. Recently I stayed at The Carroll Center in
> Massachusetts for a two week evaluation and did some cooking. I must admit
> that I don't like using the stove; I was introduced to a nifty little
> portable burner called an induction cooktop, which is much easier to use 
> and
> rids any worry of setting fire because it turns itself off automatically
> after the food is finished cooking. I told my family that it was an
> alternative, but there will be things that will need to be cooked. As it 
> is
> right now, my parents prepare my food for me, and I don't like that. 
> Granted
> my kitchen is not wheelchair accessible, which is part of my argument as 
> to
> why it would be a good idea for me to have my own apartment.
>
> Getting my own apartment is another thing my parents are against, although
> my Grandmother is all for it. My parents have it in their minds that I 
> will
> move in with my half sister, someone I barely know, when they're no longer
> here. I told them that wasn't going to happen. I barely know my half 
> sister,
> and I am not moving to Brockton Massachusetts, one of the most dangerous
> places to live, according to a list in a magazine. I have been trying to
> prepare for independent living for a while, but I don't seem to be getting
> anywhere. The people at the Carroll Center think that I am very capable of
> living independently with some help from a home maker, and I accept that,
> however, I refuse to accept that I need someone with me everywhere I go. I
> am supposed to be getting an attendant to help me with shopping etc, and 
> I'm
> under the impression that at some point, she won't have to be attached to 
> my
> hip. I would like to be able to meet friends for lunch and things like 
> that,
> but I don't want another person making herself part of the agreement. I
> would like it to be this way; she will drive me where I want to go and 
> then
> let me go on my own. I don't care if she's sticking around, I just don't
> want her as an attachment to myself.
>
> Jen
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Laura Eaves" <leaves1 at carolina.rr.com>
> To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:10 AM
> Subject: Re: [Blind-rollers] Total independence
>
>
>> Hi Jen --
>> I have been wondering the same thing.  I know a disabled person has to
>> choose his/her battles carefully as there are some things that will 
>> always
>> require assistance of some kind, human or electronic or mechanical -- but
>> I
>> think the person has to determine that for him/herself and not have an
>> able
>> bodied person try and dictate what needs to be done, primarily because
>> they
>> can't always imagine what it would be like to be in that situation, or
>> would
>> think that the only solution would be the easiest in their mind.
>>
>> I have been having this little battle with my mother, who who believes
>> that
>> in my current state I ould never be able to be independent again, and she
>> makes some compelling arguments, and I know I depend on her probably
>> over-much.  But on the other hand she refuses to help me become more
>> independent by showing me how to set the dials on the washing machine 
>> (she
>> insists on doing all the laundry) and she thinks that because of the
>> wheelchair in addition to my vision, I should never again try to cook.
>> (But
>> again, when I was young, I had to go away to school and take a cooking
>> class
>> myself to learn to cook, as she always thought I would burn myself on the
>> oven at home...)
>>
>> She always also rminds me of all that needs to be done for me as she
>> indeed
>> does "pick up the slack" as she puts it quite a lot.  I have gotten quite
>> a
>> bit more dependent than I would like to be, but that is a 2-way street.
>>
>> The clincher for me is that there is not a satisfactory plan B in the 
>> even
>> she dies (she is a healthy 83, but her health is failing in little ways
>> even
>> now), and I really want to be prepared for anything once she is no longer
>> around. I think at some point, she will cease to be able-bodied and we 
>> may
>> both be dependent on outside assistance.  Don't get me wrong -- Mom and I
>> have always been a team, albeit we don't agree on many things -- but back
>> in
>> college I went out of my way to live on my own for 8 years, and half of
>> that
>> time I was chair bound.
>> The times I had to hire a live-in aide were the worst.  And that might
>> well
>> be what it will take again as time goes on -- or as Mom is thinking, I
>> should be in a hospital -- which bothers me the most.
>>
>> Anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the matter.
>> I would like to live at home with roommates and depend on hired 
>> assistance
>> if that is possible. We are moving soon and so I have no idea what we 
>> will
>> find.
>>
>> Waiting eagerly for your thoughts...
>> Have a good day!
>> --le
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Jennifer Aberdeen" <freespirit328 at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:59 PM
>> Subject: [Blind-rollers] Total independence
>>
>>
>> Hi list,
>>
>> My Grandmother and I were just having a discussion about my mobility
>> expectations being a blind wheelchair user. She doesn't think I could 
>> ever
>> be independent being in my situation, and I truly believe that while I 
>> may
>> not be able to achieve total independence, I can strive to be as
>> independent
>> as possible. I keep trying to tell her that it can be done if only my
>> mobility instructor would work on a route with me for more than one
>> day...perhaps once or twice a week for a couple months would work. I 
>> would
>> like to be able to take a stroll down the street without having someone
>> attached to my hip all the time. I know there are some situations where 
>> it
>> would be necessary to have someone with me, but I don't believe I have to
>> submit to a life of dependence. The thought of accepting that makes me
>> very
>> depressed. I thought maybe I would start a discussion about this and hear
>> your thoughts on this topic.
>>
>> Jen
>>
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