[Blind-rollers] Total independence

[Laura Eaves]

Hi Jen --
Yes, it is a good idea to choose your location carefully.  This has always 
bothered me as I have the fear that whatever I choose may be unacceptable 
for some reason and I might get stuck there, unable to move again if I need 
to.  I mean, my family has helped us considerably in our moving ventures, 
but that can come to an end as you can't always throw responsibilities on 
loved ones, even if they are willing to help.
We are in the midst of a move now which worries me a great deal.
Saying lots of prayers for the things I can't foresee and for wisdom to do 
the best thing.
I have a relative we live close to now who has been very helpful in many 
instances (and yes, Mom and I need it sometimes), but she is also extremely 
apprehensive that we will expect too much -- she has to volunteer when she 
sees a need but when I call, she is very apprehensive and often refuses to 
help, even in an minor emergency.
But I try to compensate by doing something useful for her or build her up. 
It concerns me that if we fell into great need here we might not have 
backup -- so we are moving to a different location which has good public 
services and where more of our relatives live.
Anyway, gotta go now.  I look forward to other discussion.
Everyone's situation and abilities are different.  That's the challenge of a 
list like this--to help a wide cross section of people.
--le


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jennifer Aberdeen" <freespirit328 at gmail.com>
To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:52 AM
Subject: Re: [Blind-rollers] Total independence


Hi Laura,

Well, I can definitely relate to the cooking thing. My parents and
Grandmother don't think I will be able to cook. Even when I had some vision
in one eye they wouldn't allow me to cook even though I had taken a cooking
class in high school. Recently I stayed at The Carroll Center in
Massachusetts for a two week evaluation and did some cooking. I must admit
that I don't like using the stove; I was introduced to a nifty little
portable burner called an induction cooktop, which is much easier to use and
rids any worry of setting fire because it turns itself off automatically
after the food is finished cooking. I told my family that it was an
alternative, but there will be things that will need to be cooked. As it is
right now, my parents prepare my food for me, and I don't like that. Granted
my kitchen is not wheelchair accessible, which is part of my argument as to
why it would be a good idea for me to have my own apartment.

Getting my own apartment is another thing my parents are against, although
my Grandmother is all for it. My parents have it in their minds that I will
move in with my half sister, someone I barely know, when they're no longer
here. I told them that wasn't going to happen. I barely know my half sister,
and I am not moving to Brockton Massachusetts, one of the most dangerous
places to live, according to a list in a magazine. I have been trying to
prepare for independent living for a while, but I don't seem to be getting
anywhere. The people at the Carroll Center think that I am very capable of
living independently with some help from a home maker, and I accept that,
however, I refuse to accept that I need someone with me everywhere I go. I
am supposed to be getting an attendant to help me with shopping etc, and I'm
under the impression that at some point, she won't have to be attached to my
hip. I would like to be able to meet friends for lunch and things like that,
but I don't want another person making herself part of the agreement. I
would like it to be this way; she will drive me where I want to go and then
let me go on my own. I don't care if she's sticking around, I just don't
want her as an attachment to myself.

Jen
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Laura Eaves" <leaves1 at carolina.rr.com>
To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:10 AM
Subject: Re: [Blind-rollers] Total independence


> Hi Jen --
> I have been wondering the same thing.  I know a disabled person has to
> choose his/her battles carefully as there are some things that will always
> require assistance of some kind, human or electronic or mechanical -- but
> I
> think the person has to determine that for him/herself and not have an
> able
> bodied person try and dictate what needs to be done, primarily because
> they
> can't always imagine what it would be like to be in that situation, or
> would
> think that the only solution would be the easiest in their mind.
>
> I have been having this little battle with my mother, who who believes
> that
> in my current state I ould never be able to be independent again, and she
> makes some compelling arguments, and I know I depend on her probably
> over-much.  But on the other hand she refuses to help me become more
> independent by showing me how to set the dials on the washing machine (she
> insists on doing all the laundry) and she thinks that because of the
> wheelchair in addition to my vision, I should never again try to cook.
> (But
> again, when I was young, I had to go away to school and take a cooking
> class
> myself to learn to cook, as she always thought I would burn myself on the
> oven at home...)
>
> She always also rminds me of all that needs to be done for me as she
> indeed
> does "pick up the slack" as she puts it quite a lot.  I have gotten quite
> a
> bit more dependent than I would like to be, but that is a 2-way street.
>
> The clincher for me is that there is not a satisfactory plan B in the even
> she dies (she is a healthy 83, but her health is failing in little ways
> even
> now), and I really want to be prepared for anything once she is no longer
> around. I think at some point, she will cease to be able-bodied and we may
> both be dependent on outside assistance.  Don't get me wrong -- Mom and I
> have always been a team, albeit we don't agree on many things -- but back
> in
> college I went out of my way to live on my own for 8 years, and half of
> that
> time I was chair bound.
> The times I had to hire a live-in aide were the worst.  And that might
> well
> be what it will take again as time goes on -- or as Mom is thinking, I
> should be in a hospital -- which bothers me the most.
>
> Anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the matter.
> I would like to live at home with roommates and depend on hired assistance
> if that is possible. We are moving soon and so I have no idea what we will
> find.
>
> Waiting eagerly for your thoughts...
> Have a good day!
> --le
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Jennifer Aberdeen" <freespirit328 at gmail.com>
> To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:59 PM
> Subject: [Blind-rollers] Total independence
>
>
> Hi list,
>
> My Grandmother and I were just having a discussion about my mobility
> expectations being a blind wheelchair user. She doesn't think I could ever
> be independent being in my situation, and I truly believe that while I may
> not be able to achieve total independence, I can strive to be as
> independent
> as possible. I keep trying to tell her that it can be done if only my
> mobility instructor would work on a route with me for more than one
> day...perhaps once or twice a week for a couple months would work. I would
> like to be able to take a stroll down the street without having someone
> attached to my hip all the time. I know there are some situations where it
> would be necessary to have someone with me, but I don't believe I have to
> submit to a life of dependence. The thought of accepting that makes me
> very
> depressed. I thought maybe I would start a discussion about this and hear
> your thoughts on this topic.
>
> Jen
>
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