[Blind-rollers] Total independence

[Laura Eaves]

Hi Jen --
I have been wondering the same thing.  I know a disabled person has to 
choose his/her battles carefully as there are some things that will always 
require assistance of some kind, human or electronic or mechanical -- but I 
think the person has to determine that for him/herself and not have an able 
bodied person try and dictate what needs to be done, primarily because they 
can't always imagine what it would be like to be in that situation, or would 
think that the only solution would be the easiest in their mind.

I have been having this little battle with my mother, who who believes that 
in my current state I ould never be able to be independent again, and she 
makes some compelling arguments, and I know I depend on her probably 
over-much.  But on the other hand she refuses to help me become more 
independent by showing me how to set the dials on the washing machine (she 
insists on doing all the laundry) and she thinks that because of the 
wheelchair in addition to my vision, I should never again try to cook.  (But 
again, when I was young, I had to go away to school and take a cooking class 
myself to learn to cook, as she always thought I would burn myself on the 
oven at home...)

She always also rminds me of all that needs to be done for me as she indeed 
does "pick up the slack" as she puts it quite a lot.  I have gotten quite a 
bit more dependent than I would like to be, but that is a 2-way street.

The clincher for me is that there is not a satisfactory plan B in the even 
she dies (she is a healthy 83, but her health is failing in little ways even 
now), and I really want to be prepared for anything once she is no longer 
around. I think at some point, she will cease to be able-bodied and we may 
both be dependent on outside assistance.  Don't get me wrong -- Mom and I 
have always been a team, albeit we don't agree on many things -- but back in 
college I went out of my way to live on my own for 8 years, and half of that 
time I was chair bound.
The times I had to hire a live-in aide were the worst.  And that might well 
be what it will take again as time goes on -- or as Mom is thinking, I 
should be in a hospital -- which bothers me the most.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the matter.
I would like to live at home with roommates and depend on hired assistance 
if that is possible. We are moving soon and so I have no idea what we will 
find.

Waiting eagerly for your thoughts...
Have a good day!
--le


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jennifer Aberdeen" <freespirit328 at gmail.com>
To: "Blind wheelchair users list" <blind-rollers at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:59 PM
Subject: [Blind-rollers] Total independence


Hi list,

My Grandmother and I were just having a discussion about my mobility
expectations being a blind wheelchair user. She doesn't think I could ever
be independent being in my situation, and I truly believe that while I may
not be able to achieve total independence, I can strive to be as independent
as possible. I keep trying to tell her that it can be done if only my
mobility instructor would work on a route with me for more than one
day...perhaps once or twice a week for a couple months would work. I would
like to be able to take a stroll down the street without having someone
attached to my hip all the time. I know there are some situations where it
would be necessary to have someone with me, but I don't believe I have to
submit to a life of dependence. The thought of accepting that makes me very
depressed. I thought maybe I would start a discussion about this and hear
your thoughts on this topic.

Jen

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