[Ag-eq] Completely unrelated to ag or eq

[dogwood farm]

Funny, Funny, funny!!!  I read this to my husband and he couldn't stop laughing.

Susan
dogwoodfarm62 at gmail.com

On 9/7/17, Jody ianuzzi via Ag-eq <ag-eq at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hello Jewel,
>
> I love your story! Wonderful! How true.
>
> JODY
>
> thunderwalker321 at gmail.com
>
> "What's within you is stronger than what's in your way."  NO BARRIERS  Erik
> Weihenmayer
>
>> On Sep 6, 2017, at 9:31 PM, Nella Foster via Ag-eq <ag-eq at nfbnet.org>
>> wrote:
>>
>>
>> Jewel thanks for the laugh.
>>
>> I love this.
>>
>> Nella
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Ag-eq [mailto:ag-eq-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jewel via
>> Ag-eq
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 06, 2017 8:12 PM
>> To: Agricultural and Equestrean Division List
>> Cc: Jewel
>> Subject: [Ag-eq] Completely unrelated to ag or eq
>>
>> Apart from the recent posts on apples, the traffic flow on this list has
>> been low to nil,  so I thought that I would send you a little cautionary
>> tale that Deslie, my sister sent me yesterday.
>> As I so often do, I have * improved it a little, but my use of the word *
>> improvement is relative to the user and others are free to disagree, if,
>> that is, they have the nerve to do so!
>>
>>           Jewel
>>
>>
>>
>> Cautionary tale begins:
>> From: Deslie Blanch
>>
>> Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2017 8:10 PM
>>
>> Subject: ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Subject: ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
>> To:
>>
>>
>>
>> TRUE STORY
>>
>> ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, there
>> former
>> standard of housekeeping tends to slip!
>> When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive,
>> and
>> there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
>>
>>
>> My name is Richard Head! my * friends call me:  well!  you know what my *
>> friends? call me!  and I still call them * friends!  I must be mad!!  not
>> forgetting my sainted parents:  they have a lot to answer for!
>>
>>
>>
>> Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife whose name is:  ,
>> well never mind!  If I want anything, I just yell "Hey You!" and she
>> comes
>> running or should I amend that and say that she * did come running, but
>> since my retirement, I have noticed a considerable lapse in time between
>> my
>> shout and her, I can give it no more descriptive word than reluctant
>> response!  !
>>
>>
>> When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for H Y to get a
>> full-time job, along with her part-time one, both for extra income and
>> for
>> the health benefits that I:  ahum  cough cough: !  we we needed.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show
>> her
>> age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets
>> home
>> from work Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she
>> has
>> to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at
>> her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets
>> dinner on the table.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so
>> eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some
>> home-cooked
>> grub when I hit that door.  She used to do the dishes as soon as we
>> finished
>> eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for
>> several
>> hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her
>> several
>> times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
>> appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done,
>> before
>> she goes to bed.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Another symptom of aging is complaining! For example, she will say that
>> it
>> is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her
>> lunch
>> hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and
>> offer
>> encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days.
>> That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing
>> lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I
>> mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
>> She
>> had to take a break, when she was only half-finished mowing the front
>> lawn.
>> I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man...
>> I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed
>> lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as  she is making one for
>> herself,
>> she may as well make one for me, too.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support the wife.
>> I'm
>> not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many
>> men
>> will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better
>> than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys,
>> even
>> if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife
>> because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well
>> worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> EDITOR'S NOTE:
>> The writer died suddenly on September 1st  of a perforated rectum.
>>
>>
>> The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch
>> Big
>> Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches
>> of
>> grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> His wife was arrested and charged with murder...
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting
>> her defense that the old bastard , somehow without looking, accidentally
>> sat
>> down on his golf club.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A hole in one, so to speak!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>>
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>
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