[Ag-eq] Completely unrelated to ag or eq

Thu Sep 7 01:31:46 UTC 2017

Jewel thanks for the laugh.

I love this.

Nella

-----Original Message-----
From: Ag-eq [mailto:ag-eq-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jewel via Ag-eq
Sent: Wednesday, September 06, 2017 8:12 PM
To: Agricultural and Equestrean Division List
Cc: Jewel
Subject: [Ag-eq] Completely unrelated to ag or eq

Apart from the recent posts on apples, the traffic flow on this list has
been low to nil,  so I thought that I would send you a little cautionary
tale that Deslie, my sister sent me yesterday.
As I so often do, I have * improved it a little, but my use of the word *
improvement is relative to the user and others are free to disagree, if,
that is, they have the nerve to do so!

           Jewel

Cautionary tale begins:
From: Deslie Blanch

Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2017 8:10 PM

Subject: ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

Subject: ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
To:

TRUE STORY

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, there former
standard of housekeeping tends to slip!
When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and
there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

 My name is Richard Head! my * friends call me:  well!  you know what my *
friends? call me!  and I still call them * friends!  I must be mad!!  not
forgetting my sainted parents:  they have a lot to answer for!

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife whose name is:  ,
well never mind!  If I want anything, I just yell "Hey You!" and she comes
running or should I amend that and say that she * did come running, but
since my retirement, I have noticed a considerable lapse in time between my
shout and her, I can give it no more descriptive word than reluctant
response!  !

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for H Y to get a
full-time job, along with her part-time one, both for extra income and for
the health benefits that I:  ahum  cough cough: !  we we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her
age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home
from work Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has
to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at
her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets
dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so
eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked
grub when I hit that door.  She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished
eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several
hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several
times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done, before
she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining! For example, she will say that it
is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch
hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer
encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days.
That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing
lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I
mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She
had to take a break, when she was only half-finished mowing the front lawn.
I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man... 
I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed
lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as  she is making one for herself,
she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support the wife.  I'm
not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men
will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better
than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even
if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife
because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well
worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
The writer died suddenly on September 1st  of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big
Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of
grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife was arrested and charged with murder...

The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting
her defense that the old bastard , somehow without looking, accidentally sat
down on his golf club.

A hole in one, so to speak!!

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